I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
