farters have to be the big spoon...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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