Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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