The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
