I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
