Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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