You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We got so high we made milksteak
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
