Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
