Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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