using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
