is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
