i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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