In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
