i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
