i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
