im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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