Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
