3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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