Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
