now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I deserve to be covered in dicks
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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