Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
