Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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