In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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