How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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