Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
