fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
