i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
