it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
