I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
