i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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