Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
