my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
