Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
