if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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