Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize