What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize