I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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