after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
