There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
pray to the hookup gods
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize