Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
