I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
