my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
