I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
