what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
