bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
