i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
