So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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