somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
