...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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