just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
