I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
