dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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