i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All the doctor said was why
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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