Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
