So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
