I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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