he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
