hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
