Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh god it's open bar.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
