We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
