did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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