Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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