hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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