just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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