does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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