So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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