i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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