oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
