found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
