This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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