Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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