ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize