Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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