He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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