If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can I color on your dick again?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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