like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
