I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
