She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
