so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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