I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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