please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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