I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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