He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
